WAS comic Julian Clary “born to mince?”

Find out at Cheltenham Town Hall, this May, because that’s a stop on his Born to Mince tour.

A spokesman said: “In this outrageously camp new show, one that he was going to call ‘Bed Knobs and Knee Pads’ but was advised might not sell too well in Cheltenham, the renowned homosexual Julian Clary will bare his soul as never before in the interests of light entertainment.”

On the announcement of the tour, Julian said, “Are you ready for some filth? I know I am. It’s been a while since I sallied forth to pleasure the provinces with my particular brand of saucy innuendo. Let me at them!”

The spokesman interjected, “He’ll murder some well-known songs along the way, no doubt, read you a sneak preview from his next memoir ‘A Night At the Lubricant’ and make withering remarks about punters foolish enough to sit in the front row. You know the kind of thing. It’s the only life he knows. Don’t miss out.”

At this hint is, this tour might well be the final mince for Julian, ending at the Palladium on Saturday June 8.

But what can audiences expect, including at Cheltenham?

Julian said: “I wake up in the night. The brain is a funny thing, you know - a random, completely formed 20-minute section just comes to me just before dawn. Why is that?

“For example, I’ve been reading a lot about gay aversion therapy recently, so I had this idea that we could try heterosexual aversion therapy and get some men out in the audience, wire up their genitals, and show them pictures of Coleen Nolan. If there’s any twinge of arousal they’ll get 40 volts through the testicles.”

That probably won’t happen; but would it be legal in any case?

Julian said: “It’s what passes for entertainment these days.”

But why is Julian so outrageous?

He said: “It’s one of life’s pleasures, in my opinion. It’s one of the reasons people come to see me: they desperately want to hear graphic descriptions of homosexual sex acts. They want to see if I’ll go too far. It livens up their otherwise dreary lives I expect.

“It gets the heart rate going, much like fairground rides or watching a horror movie. “

But was this more true when he started out in the 80s?

Julian said: “Yes, because prejudice, ignorance and fear were rife back then. I felt if you talked about the mechanics of gay sex, for example, it would be shocking to them but it would demystify it.

“They would leave better people than when they arrived.”

But we’ve all moved on since then?

Julian said: “Well it’s not just me, it’s just, you know, we’ve all grown up. The world’s a better place these days.”

But surely these are strange times, with all that political correctness flying about?

Julian said: “There’s this new word, ‘snowflake’, isn’t there? I would blame social media I think, where there’s people who spend all day arguing. Be very careful what you say.”

The date for the diary is May 30.

Tickets: 0844 576 2210.